Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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