mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
