What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
