I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
