our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
