My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
