everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
