That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
