Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
