Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
