Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize