thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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