when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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