so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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