Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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