Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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