I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
