I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
