You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize