He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
