I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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