Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
