I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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