I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you didnt know i had herpes?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
ok first of all what the fuck
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
