Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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