More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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