You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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