Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize