so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
