well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
