I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do vagina's smell?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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