I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize