We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
