I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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