what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize