Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
