haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
