Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
