So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
