Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
