i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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