the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
