***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
