Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
