After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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