so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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