You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
