I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
