So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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