my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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