I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
