Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
