I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
