I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
