I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
