I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
