he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
