I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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