In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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