he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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