but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
