a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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