yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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