Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
