After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
