Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Randomize
