I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
