Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
