There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
