when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
