I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
