Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
