I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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