I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
