Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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