I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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