He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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