Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
