She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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