i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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