Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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