New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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