Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
