he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
