so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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