This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize