once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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