im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize