Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
grandma shit on top of the toilet
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am one with the molecules
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
