i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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