So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
