she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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