Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
