come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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