guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
