i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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