now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
