I'm gonna have a badass scar
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
