I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
