when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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