Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
