we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
