Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
