I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize